JANUARY 31, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Jersey Considers Poet Laureate Bill. Impact: If New Jersey had a state poet laureate back then, perhaps we'd have avoided the existential dread of modern-day TikTok poetry slams. Instead, we might've been serenaded by verses that could have saved us from the abyss of blandness.. Fact: Did you know that the first state poet laureate in the U.S. was appointed in 1937? Talk about a trendsetter! Or, you know, a trend-ender, depending on how you look at it..
• Headline: Super Bowl: America's Secular Holy Day. Impact: The Super Bowl becoming a 'holy day' led to the rise of Super Bowl parties where the real religious fervor is found in the nacho cheese dip. If only we could have channeled that energy into actual world peace!. Fact: Fun fact: Super Bowl Sunday is the second-largest day for food consumption in the U.S. after Thanksgiving. Because nothing says 'honoring the spirit of competition' like a 10-pound plate of wings..
• Headline: New Jersey's Congressional Addresses Revealed. Impact: The meticulous listing of New Jersey legislators' addresses laid the groundwork for the modern-day internet stalking phenomenon. Thanks for that, New Jersey!. Fact: Did you know that politicians often change their addresses more often than they change their socks? It's almost like they have something to hide!.
• Headline: Historic Farm's Owner Offers Demolition Plan. Impact: Demolishing a historic farm for a new mansion? This set a precedent that led to the 'bigger is better' mindset in real estate, resulting in more McMansions and less historical charm. Thanks, David Acker, for the suburban blight!. Fact: Did you know that every time a historic building gets demolished, a hipster somewhere cries into their artisanal coffee? It's a proven fact!.
• Headline: The View From / Westport; Show of Comic Strips From Yesterday and Today. Impact: This comic strip showcase may have inspired future generations to take their humor to the internet, resulting in an overwhelming amount of cat memes that forever changed online discourse. Good job, artists!. Fact: Did you know that comic strips were once so popular they could launch careers? Now they just launch hashtags. Welcome to the digital age!.
• Headline: A Piquant Pale-Gold Pleasure. Impact: Recommending a wine like Hunter's White Reserve could have inadvertently triggered a wine trend that led to the rise of overpriced bottles with names like 'Unicorn Tears.' Thanks for the future snobbery, NJ Vines!. Fact: Did you know that wine tasting notes can get so pretentious, they often include flavors like 'hints of graphite' and 'essence of wet dog'? Because who doesn’t want to drink that?.
• Headline: Adding Meaty Flavor From Swiss Chard to Pastas and Frittatas. Impact: Promoting Swiss chard was the start of the health food craze, eventually leading to kale becoming the poster child for the 'I love pretending I enjoy eating grass' movement. Bravo, Florence!. Fact: Did you know that Swiss chard is technically a beet? So the next time you eat it, just remember you're eating a fancy beet! Enjoy that gourmet experience!.
• Headline: Delayed Start for the Referees, Too. Impact: The delayed start for referees due to a lockout might have been the catalyst for the NBA's 'Don't worry, we can always blame the refs' culture. Thanks for the excuses, Bennett and Ronnie!. Fact: Did you know that referees often have a tougher time than players? They deal with angry fans, players, and coaches, all while wearing that fashionable striped shirt. What a life!.
• Headline: Seton Hall Is Humbled by the Orangemen. Impact: Syracuse beating Seton Hall may have set off a chain reaction of rivalry games that led to millions of trash talk memes on social media. Thanks for the endless banter, college sports!. Fact: Did you know that college basketball rivalries are the only reason many people remember the names of schools they never attended? It’s all part of the game!.
• Headline: Young Performers in the Spotlight. Impact: Highlighting young performers could have inspired a generation to pursue their dreams, leading to the eventual rise of all those 'talent shows' where people sing in the shower for fame. Thanks, Robert!. Fact: Did you know that singer-songwriters often have more emotions than actual songs? It's a delicate balance of angst and guitar riffs!.