NOVEMBER 2, 2007

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bush Supports Mukasey Amid Controversy. Impact: Had Bush not defended Mukasey, a butterfly might have flapped its wings in the White House, leading to a timeline where every justice nominee is selected based on how well they can juggle flaming swords instead of legal precedents.. Fact: Did you know that defending a nominee is basically a government version of 'It's not you, it's me'?.
• Headline: M.T.A. Advocates for Dues Payment Restoration. Impact: If the M.T.A. had gotten its way with the automatic dues payment, we might be living in a world where public transportation is funded by a subscription model, complete with monthly fees for 'premium' seating next to the crying baby.. Fact: Fun fact: Automatic dues payment is just like auto-renewing that gym membership you forgot about—except you’re paying for a subway ride instead of a treadmill you never use..
• Headline: Communities Tackle Beach Erosion Challenges. Impact: As beaches erode and solutions vanish, environmentalists might someday be found attempting to rebuild sandcastles with the hopes of attracting tourists back to the 'once-thriving' coastlines, proving that even nature needs a PR team.. Fact: Did you know that beach erosion is basically nature's way of stealing your vacation spot while you’re not looking?.
• Headline: Sweet, Bloody Smell of Success. Impact: If 'American Gangster' had flopped, we might be stuck in a world where the only gangster movies are those starring talking animals, and the crime genre would have taken a turn for the absurd.. Fact: Fun fact: The smell of success is just a weird mix of popcorn, cologne, and the faint scent of desperation..