JANUARY 1, 2008

Full News Archive

• Headline: Growth of All-Business Class Flights. Impact: The rise of coachless flights led to a future where people began to wonder if they could just fly around in style without any pilots at all. Thus, the great 'Pilotless Era' began, but alas, it turned out that passengers were really just too lazy to walk to the front of the plane.. Fact: Did you know that the first class cabin is actually a time machine? It transports you back to the 1950s where people wore suits on planes and thought peanuts were a gourmet snack!.
• Headline: Bloomberg's Independent Run in 2008. Impact: Bloomberg's independent run was the catalyst for the rise of 'money can buy anything' politics, leading to a future where candidates campaign solely by throwing cash at voters, which ultimately resulted in the first presidential election held in a casino.. Fact: Did you know you can buy a vote for as little as a cup of coffee? Just kidding! That would be illegal... for now..
• Headline: Michigan Will Miss Carr When He’s Gone. Impact: The departure of Carr set off a chain reaction of Michigan fans donning black in mourning, which sparked a nationwide trend of 'mourning clothes' that made funeral homes the hottest fashion boutiques.. Fact: Did you know that college football coaches have a lifespan shorter than the average houseplant? Maybe that's why they never seem to stick around long enough to trim the hedges!.
• Headline: The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters. Impact: The realization that people were trapped in a cycle of regret led to an explosion in the self-help industry. By 2025, therapists were replaced by AI that simply said, 'You did the best you could, now eat a cookie.'. Fact: Did you know that regret is just a fancy word for 'I should have gone to that party instead'? But hey, at least you saved money on drinks!.