MARCH 18, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Taft Critiques Rivals in Wisconsin Tour. Impact: Taft's scoffing at his rival led to a series of increasingly dramatic political rivalries, eventually resulting in a future presidential debate where candidates throw rubber chickens at each other instead of discussing policy. Thanks, Taft!. Fact: Taft was once so large that he got stuck in the White House bathtub, which is probably why he took to touring seven counties in a single day—gotta burn those calories somehow!.
• Headline: Brooklyn Gas Strike Postponed. Impact: The postponed gas strike led to a massive increase in gas prices years later, triggering a nationwide conspiracy theory that gas companies are secretly run by octopuses. Why octopuses? Because they have eight tentacles to strangle our wallets!. Fact: The Brooklyn Borough is famous for its pizza, but little did they know it would also become a hub for labor disputes. A slice of history, if you will!.
• Headline: State Jurisdiction Over Tribal Crimes. Impact: This legislative decision created a ripple effect that allowed state authorities to intervene in Native American affairs, setting the stage for decades of complicated legal battles. Who knew jurisdiction could be so messy?. Fact: The only thing more complicated than the U.S. legal system is trying to figure out why people still argue about pineapple on pizza..
• Headline: SENATORS HOLD UP BID TO EISENHOWER; Await Word From His Deputy -- Harriman Calls Foreign Aid Vital to U. S. Security. Impact: Senators holding up Eisenhower's bid paved the way for future political gridlock, creating a tradition of lawmakers who love to play tug-of-war with policy instead of actually governing. It's like a never-ending game of political Twister!. Fact: Harriman's call for foreign aid was like a teenager asking for money to buy video games—always vital but never without a debate!.
• Headline: Oberlin Raises Faculty Pay. Impact: Oberlin raising faculty pay contributed to a nationwide trend of universities trying to attract better professors, which eventually led to a bidding war that saw Shakespearean scholars earning more than neurosurgeons. Welcome to the academic arms race!. Fact: Oberlin College is known for its progressive values, but even they might not have expected that faculty pay hikes would lead to professors demanding their own parking spots. The horror!.
• Headline: UNION SHOP FINDING FOR STEEL DOUBTED; Wage Panel's Public Members, Who Hold Balance of Power, Favor Bargaining on Issue. Impact: The doubts about union shop findings created an environment where labor rights were constantly debated, leading to a future where everyone has an opinion about unions but no one really knows what they do. It’s the ‘I love pizza but hate pineapple’ of labor discussions.. Fact: Labor panels are like reality TV—everyone wants to watch, but no one actually knows what's going on behind the scenes..
• Headline: STASSEN HITS TAFT ON FOREIGN POLICY; Tells Audiences in Wisconsin Senator's Mistakes Help Put Nation in Present Danger. Impact: Stassen attacking Taft over foreign policy set a precedent for future political mudslinging that has only intensified. Today, politicians can throw shade faster than they can throw a punch!. Fact: Stassen once ran for president more times than most people change their socks. Talk about persistence!.