SEPTEMBER 26, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Russia: Oil Executives Convicted. Impact: The conviction of these oil executives led to a bizarre chain of events where every future oil executive learned to carry a 'get out of jail free' card, leading to an era of unprecedented corporate immunity. This culminated in a future where board meetings were held in escape rooms to avoid legal repercussions.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'oil executive' is just a fancy way of saying 'professional finger-pointer'? They could win gold medals in the blame game!.
• Headline: Lukoil Executive Kidnapping and Release. Impact: Sergei P Kukura's kidnapping caused a ripple effect in corporate security, leading to a future where every executive had a personal bodyguard and a second job as a ninja. Companies began hiring karate instructors for their HR departments.. Fact: Did you know that in Russia, the term 'executive protection' really just means 'a guy with a stern look and a larger guy behind him'?.
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Europe: Germany: Dresdner Executive Resigns. Impact: Leonhard Fischer's resignation set off a corporate game of musical chairs that resulted in a boardroom where everyone had to wear blindfolds and guess who was in charge. Eventually, they just decided to let the office cat lead the meetings.. Fact: Did you know that the 'Kleinwort' in Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein translates to 'fancy title for a place where money disappears'?.
• Headline: Judge Rules For 3 Insurers On Coverage Of Twin Towers. Impact: This ruling created a precedent that eventually led to insurance companies developing an aversion to paying out claims for anything other than a sneeze or a paper cut. In the future, people will be more likely to insure their cats than their homes.. Fact: Did you know that Larry Silverstein's claim was so complicated it made the plot of 'Inception' look like a children's bedtime story?.