SEPTEMBER 24, 1969

Full News Archive

• Headline: Novy Mir's Commitment to Liberal Literature. Impact: By affirming liberal positions, Novy Mir inadvertently set off a chain reaction of liberal thought that would one day inspire a viral meme about how cats are just tiny, furry anarchists.. Fact: Liberal writers often found themselves in heated discussions about whether to include cat pictures in their works, leading to the cat video revolution decades later..
• Headline: Australia Accepts U.S. F-111 Jets. Impact: Australia's decision to accept U.S. jets set a precedent for future international arms deals, eventually leading to a world where diplomatic negotiations are conducted over a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.. Fact: The F-111 jets were rumored to be so advanced that they could almost make your morning coffee—if you could figure out how to operate them!.
• Headline: FIRING REPORTED AT MEXICAN RALLY; Youths Say 20 Are Hit -Officials Deny Shooting. Impact: The chaos of the rally marked a pivotal point in student activism, igniting a fire that would lead to future generations using social media to rally for justice—while also sharing cat memes.. Fact: In a bizarre twist, the incident inspired a new trend where students would later protest with inflatable animals to soften the blow of their messages..
• Headline: Engineer Makes Artificial Arm; Doctors Here Call It Promising. Impact: The creation of the artificial arm led to the development of increasingly sophisticated prosthetics, eventually resulting in a future where people have limbs that can play video games better than they can.. Fact: Rumor has it that in the future, people will be able to purchase artificial limbs with customizable features like built-in coffee makers and Bluetooth speakers..
• Headline: Nixon Backs SST; Battle for Funds Looms in Congress; Nixon Backs SST; Fight for Funds Seen. Impact: Nixon’s backing of the SST became the blueprint for future transportation debates, where leaders would argue over whether flying cars were a good idea—because who doesn't want to spend rush hour in the sky?. Fact: SST stands for 'Super Sonic Transport' but in the future, it will humorously be reinterpreted as 'Slightly Slower Than Traffic.'.
• Headline: JOURNAL PUBLISHER WINS SCIENCE AWARD. Impact: The award to Scientific American publisher helped legitimize science journalism, which would eventually evolve into a thriving industry of clickbait articles titled, 'You Won't Believe What This Scientist Discovered!'. Fact: The 'Arches of Science Award' later became known as the 'Golden Microscopes,' awarded to the most absurd scientific claims each year..
• Headline: UNIONS ARE URGED TO SPUR HOUSING; U.S. Asks Building Trades to Accept New Methods. Impact: The call for unions to spur housing development led to a future where construction workers had to wear superhero capes, because why not add flair to the building crisis?. Fact: In the years to come, construction sites became popular vacation spots for those seeking a thrilling experience of 'watching paint dry'—with a side of union drama..
• Headline: Co-Op on East Side Fined in Bias Case; EAST SIDE C0-0P IS FINED FOR BIAS. Impact: The bias case against the co-op served as a catalyst for future civil rights movements, eventually leading to a world where discrimination was tackled with the same fervor as trends in avocado toast.. Fact: The co-op's fine was later viewed as a badge of honor; they even considered printing t-shirts that said, 'We Were Fined and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.'.