SEPTEMBER 22, 2009

Full News Archive

• Headline: White House's Bold Move in State Elections. Impact: This aggressive role in state races led to an unprecedented surge in political memes, causing a political emoji revolution that forever altered the way politicians communicate. Thanks to this, we now have more thumbs-up emojis than actual thumbs in Congress.. Fact: Did you know that if you add up all the fundraising emails sent in state races, you could easily fund a small country? Or at least buy a lot of pizza for the campaign staff..
• Headline: Coal Plant Innovations in Carbon Capture Technology. Impact: The plant’s effort to bury emissions sparked a global trend of 'eco-friendly' coal plants, but ironically led to an increase in CO2-themed parties where people dress up as carbon molecules. Who knew climate change could be so fashionable?. Fact: Did you know that 'burying emissions' sounds like a great plot for a horror movie? Just imagine: 'The Carbon That Came Back!'.
• Headline: FDIC Considers Loans from Healthy Banks. Impact: The F.D.I.C.'s borrowing plan caused a ripple effect of panic among banks, leading to a new trend of bank heists where robbers would steal from the vaults only to return the money, claiming they were 'doing their part for the economy.'. Fact: Did you know that 'FDIC' stands for 'Fingers Crossed, Don't Inquire'? Just kidding, it actually stands for 'Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation.' But wouldn't that be a fun rebranding?.
• Headline: A $1 Million Research Bargain for Netflix, and Maybe a Model for Others. Impact: Netflix's million-dollar research bargain inspired a generation of budding entrepreneurs to think that any idea could be a million-dollar one. Spoiler alert: they were wrong, and most ended up with a new hobby of collecting rejection letters.. Fact: Did you know that the real winner of that competition was the Netflix algorithm, which now knows more about you than your therapist? Thanks, Netflix!.
• Headline: A Pragmatist, Gates Reshapes Past Policies He Backed. Impact: Gates reshaping past policies resulted in a time loop where everyone started re-evaluating every decision made in the last decade, leading to a national 'Do Over' day where everyone pretended the last election never happened. Spoiler: it didn't work.. Fact: Did you know that Robert M. Gates was once asked if he could reshape any policy, and he jokingly replied, 'Can we start with my haircut?' Talk about a pragmatic approach!.