SEPTEMBER 19, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Drought Loans Assistance in 1952. Impact: This event led to an influx of farmers suddenly becoming expert loan negotiators, which in turn spawned a generation of 'Farmers Gone Wild' reality shows featuring extreme budgeting skills.. Fact: Did you know that $1.6 million in loans could have bought a small island? But hey, who needs paradise when you can have a drought?.
• Headline: Nixon's Whistle Stop Campaign Kicks Off. Impact: Nixon's whistle stops initiated a chain reaction of political grandstanding that eventually led to politicians using more props and gimmicks than magicians at a children's party.. Fact: Did you know 1,500 people showing up is considered a 'top crowd'? I guess 'more than 10' is a big win in politics!.
• Headline: Candidate Quits Liquor Board. Impact: The resignation caused ripples that resulted in a nationwide panic over the safety of liquor board members, leading to a bizarre reality show: 'Who Wants to Be a Liquor Board Member?'. Fact: Did you know that quitting the liquor board doesn't mean you quit drinking? It just means you're a free agent now!.
• Headline: Upstate Tax Chief Named. Impact: The appointment of a new tax chief inadvertently led to the longest game of bureaucratic musical chairs in history, leaving taxpayers questioning who was actually in charge.. Fact: Did you know that being named tax chief is just like being elected as the 'person who gets blamed for everything'? Congratulations, A W Fleming!.
• Headline: Ecuador Renames Consul Here. Impact: The renaming of the consul led to widespread confusion among diplomats, prompting a new form of international relations based on who could remember the most names.. Fact: Fun fact: Changing a consul's name is a diplomatic way of saying, 'We need a new face for the same old problems.'.
• Headline: CHURCHMEN DENY 'POLITICS' IN STAND; Episcopal Deputies Turn Down Resolution on Character Smears, but Explain Why. Impact: This event sparked a series of debates that led to the invention of the holy 'Character Assassination' bingo card, a popular game among clergy and politicians alike.. Fact: Did you know that denying politics in the church is like denying chocolate in a dessert? It's just not going to happen!.
• Headline: PROFESSORS URGED TO GUARD FREEDOM; But Concept, Dean Says, Does Not Mean Giving Liberty to Those Who Would Kill It. Impact: The call for professors to guard freedom inadvertently created a secret society of academic vigilantes who patrol campus libraries to protect 'freedom' from overdue books.. Fact: Did you know that academic freedom is often just code for 'let's discuss ideas while sipping overpriced coffee'?.
• Headline: BOYS HELD IN BANK THEFTS; Nassau Police Accuse Three, 12, 13 and 16, in Elmont Case. Impact: The arrest of these boys led to a nationwide 'How to Be a Criminal' seminar series in schools, where they learned the true meaning of 'don't try this at home.'. Fact: Did you know that robbing banks is actually just a cry for help? Or maybe it's just a really bad idea—take your pick!.