AUGUST 12, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tech Leaders Support Print Media Revival. Impact: When tech giants decided to help print media, they inadvertently sparked a rebellion among hipsters who now consider reading physical newspapers a revolutionary act. Who knew the fate of journalism hinged on artisanal coffee and eco-friendly paper?. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, print media actually evolved into a sentient being that now rules over a kingdom of recycled paper? Yeah, it's wild..
• Headline: Crafting Films from Magazine Articles. Impact: This platform for turning articles into movies led to an explosion of bizarre films, like 'The Tale of the Sock Drawer' and 'A Day in the Life of a Stapler.' Hollywood now holds auditions for inanimate objects.. Fact: Fun fact: The first article optioned for a movie was actually about a cat's daily routine – it won an Oscar for Best Picture... in a parallel universe..
• Headline: Independent Bookstores Turn to Crowdfunding. Impact: By turning to web donors, bookstores have created a new form of currency: 'book bucks' that only work for coffee and book purchases, leading to the rise of 'book cafes' where the drinks have more plot twists than the novels.. Fact: In an ironic twist, one bookstore funded entirely by donations was later found to be a front for a secret society of bibliophiles plotting to overthrow e-books..
• Headline: No Fountain of Ruth in Sight for These Aging Yankees. Impact: The decline of the Yankees' dynasty kicked off a series of 'Cursed Baseball Teams' across the nation, leading to a bizarre cult that believes wearing a jersey backwards will reverse the team's fortunes. Spoiler: it doesn't.. Fact: Did you know that Mariano Rivera's retirement was marked by a national day of mourning, during which no one was allowed to throw a baseball? It was a very quiet day..