JULY 11, 2021

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Katie Kitamura's 'Intimacies'. Impact: Katie's introspective novel sparked a global trend of people overthinking their life choices, resulting in an unprecedented surge in therapist appointments and the invention of a new self-help genre: 'Existential Crisis Fiction.'. Fact: Did you know that literary interpreters at The Hague are like the Swiss Army knives of diplomacy? They can translate your awkward pausing into a heartfelt statement... or at least that's what they tell themselves..
• Headline: Revolutionary Breath Test for Covid Detection. Impact: The creation of a breathalyzer for Covid paved the way for a future where everyone is required to blow into a device before entering any building, leading to an increase in public embarrassment and a new Olympic sport: 'Breathalyzer Blowing.'. Fact: Fun fact: Scientists have been working on breathalyzers for so long that some of them probably forgot what fresh air smells like. Who knew it was this hard to detect a virus?.
• Headline: Novak Djokovic Wins Wimbledon, and His 20th Career Grand Slam Title. Impact: Djokovic's win not only tied him with the other tennis titans but also sparked a heated debate among fans about who really is the GOAT, resulting in countless online brawls and the creation of a new reality show: 'Tennis Titans: The Debate.'. Fact: Did you know that each Grand Slam title adds a new wrinkle to a player's forehead? At this rate, Djokovic may need a new skincare line by the time he reaches 30 titles!.
• Headline: More Power Lines or Rooftop Solar Panels: The Fight Over Energy’s Future. Impact: The debate over energy solutions led to a nationwide panic over power outages, sparking a new trend in candle-selling and an increase in hipster candle-making workshops. Who needs electricity when you can have artisanal scents?. Fact: Did you know that rooftop solar panels are basically the adult version of a treehouse? Only instead of childhood adventures, you get a complex energy bill and a sunburn..