SEPTEMBER 9, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Secret Taliban Meeting: A Brief History. Impact: If Trump had actually met with the Taliban, we might have seen an alternate timeline where reality TV merged with international diplomacy, resulting in a new genre: 'War and Peace: The Reality Show.' Suddenly, peace treaties would have been negotiated during commercial breaks.. Fact: Did you know that Trump once suggested buying Greenland? Because when you can't negotiate peace, apparently real estate is the next best option..
• Headline: Nadal Clinches 19th Grand Slam at U.S. Open. Impact: Nadal's victory not only brought him one step closer to Federer but also caused a ripple effect in tennis, leading to a surge in tennis elbow injuries among wannabe players trying to mimic his backhand.. Fact: Did you know that Nadal's sweat is so powerful, it could probably water an entire desert? Nature's own tennis player-comforting hydration system!.
• Headline: How Elizabeth Warren Raised Big Money Before She Denounced Big Money. Impact: Warren’s fundraising strategy could lead to a future where every politician must first embark on a reality show style money-raising adventure, resulting in political campaigns that look more like game shows than serious elections.. Fact: Did you know that in the political arena, 'big money' is just code for 'funding that makes my campaign dreams come true'? Because who doesn’t love a little capitalism in democracy?.