MAY 8, 1994

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionizing Facial Rejuvenation Techniques. Impact: Barri Soreil's quest for a younger face sparked a global obsession with anti-aging products. If only she knew her 45-pound weight gain would lead to the invention of the kale smoothie, the bane of brunches everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that the secret to staying young is actually just a time machine? Too bad Barri only had a nursing degree..
• Headline: Business Strategies in Emerging Markets. Impact: This trade mission to emerging markets led to a series of questionable business decisions that resulted in more bubble-wrap than actual products being sold. Thanks, capitalism!. Fact: Funny how 'emerging markets' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're still figuring this out.'.
• Headline: Understanding Heart Treatment Challenges. Impact: Stephen Toth's heart attack prompted a wave of health awareness that ironically led to the rise of kale chips and vegan ice cream. Who knew heart health could come with a side of guilt?. Fact: Heart attacks: nature's way of saying, 'Maybe lay off the nachos?'.
• Headline: From Depths of Scandal, Businesses Act to Regroup. Impact: Rice Aircraft's downfall became a case study in how not to run a family business, inspiring future generations to ignore family advice and just launch tech startups instead.. Fact: Nothing says 'I love you' like watching your family business crash and burn. Thanks, Grandma!.
• Headline: Your Own Account; The High Price of Divorce Duels. Impact: The high price of divorce duels led to the rise of a new genre of reality TV that centered around couples fighting over who gets the cat. Truly, a victory for humanity.. Fact: Divorce duels: the only time 'till death do us part' means 'I'm taking the toaster and the cat!'.
• Headline: DANCE; A Ballet Melds the Classical and Modern. Impact: The blending of classical and modern ballet created a new genre that confused audiences everywhere. It was the start of the 'Why am I watching this?' movement in the arts.. Fact: Dance: the art form where you can either be graceful or look like you're having a seizure. No middle ground..
• Headline: WINE; The Search for Bottles For Less Than $5 Each. Impact: The search for cheap wine resulted in the creation of boxed wine, forever altering the landscape of social gatherings and leading to a new definition of 'classy.'. Fact: Five-dollar bottles of wine: perfect for those who love to drink but don't want to commit to a personality..
• Headline: Backstage at the Meadowlands. Impact: The chaos at Meadowlands Racetrack inspired a reality show that inaccurately portrayed horse grooms as glamorous. Spoiler alert: they aren't.. Fact: Horse racing: the only sport where you can bet on animals while secretly wishing they would just run away from all of this..