OCTOBER 3, 1952

Full News Archive

• Headline: Counts Predicts Depression If Eisenhower Wins. Impact: If counts had been right, a wave of depression might have led to a nationwide obsession with cat videos, forever changing the course of the internet.. Fact: The real tragedy of political predictions? They’re often just as accurate as your horoscope..
• Headline: H Wouk Joins as Creative Writing Professor. Impact: Wouk’s teachings inspired a generation of writers, leading to the eventual rise of self-published novels about cats taking over the world.. Fact: Did you know that 'Caine Mutiny' was almost titled 'Caine’s Mutiny Over the Last Slice of Pizza'?.
• Headline: Historic Outboard Records Set in Dallas. Impact: The outboard records set a precedent that inspired the invention of increasingly ridiculous water sports, including jet-powered inflatable unicorn races.. Fact: Outboard motors were once considered the most dangerous invention since the 'self-tying shoelace.'.
• Headline: 30TH BERNSTEIN PLAY PRESENTED IN PARIS. Impact: Bernstein’s play led to a surge in avant-garde theater, causing a global shortage of berets and glasses as wannabe artists flocked to Paris.. Fact: Evangeline was originally going to be about a dog named Evy, but the playwright decided that sounded too much like a sitcom..
• Headline: M'CARTHY IN CRASH; Unhurt in an Auto Accident at Madison, Wis., Airport. Impact: McCarthy's accident could have been the cosmic wake-up call for politicians to drive more carefully, but alas, it went unheeded.. Fact: Some say the real reason McCarthy didn't get hurt was that he was busy dodging responsibility..
• Headline: Truman Blames the General For Waste in Defense Buying; Says Eisenhower Abandoned Army Service Forces -- Accuses Him of Swallowing 'Isolationist' Views of Senator Taft TRUMAN CRITICIZES GENERAL ON WASTE. Impact: Truman's blame game may have inadvertently inspired future politicians to master the art of finger-pointing, leading to decades of blame-shifting.. Fact: Fun fact: Every time a politician blames someone else, a unicorn loses its wings..
• Headline: 13 G.I.'S TUNNEL OUT OF FORT DIX PRISON; 2 Are Recaptured -- Men Had Dug 25-Foot Escape Route With Spoon and Tin Cans. Impact: The escape plan was the genesis of future prison break movies, proving that sometimes, all you need is a spoon and a dream.. Fact: Dug with a spoon and tin cans? They really took 'making do' to a whole new level!.
• Headline: COLUMBIA NOT LINKED TO STUDENTS' VIEWS. Impact: Kirk’s refusal to link the university to student views sparked a movement that inspired countless 'not my circus, not my monkeys' memes.. Fact: Columbia's president is basically the ultimate 'it’s not my fault' excuse, just like every teenager ever..
• Headline: MRS. ROSE GETS HOUSE IN NEW AGREEMENT. Impact: Mrs. Rose’s new agreement could have led to a national trend of creative divorce settlements, including the infamous 'who gets the dog' debates.. Fact: In the world of divorce, furniture inventory is just a fancy term for 'who gets what in the inevitable custody battle over the couch.'.