SEPTEMBER 26, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dean Brown on Science and Spirituality. Impact: Brown’s philosophical insights sparked a spiritual awakening that led to the founding of the Global Spiritual Science Olympics, where competitors use their 'spiritual force' to levitate tools instead of just lifting weights.. Fact: If only all scientific discussions were held in a meditation circle, we might actually get somewhere... or just end up napping..
• Headline: MacKenzie Wins Metropolitan Archery Title For Second Year in Row in Scarsdale Meet. Impact: MacKenzie's archery title win led to a brief obsession with archery among suburban dads, resulting in a spike in DIY bow-making kits that were used more for home decor than actual sport.. Fact: Archery: the only sport where you can yell 'I hit the bullseye!' and still be confused about what that means..
• Headline: ROOSEVELT COUNTS PACIFIC STATES HIS. Impact: Roosevelt's confidence in the Pacific Coast States led to a series of overly ambitious campaign rallies, where he accidentally promised to plant a tree in every backyard, leading to a nationwide lumber shortage.. Fact: Roosevelt's confidence could probably power a small city. Or at least a really enthusiastic pep rally..
• Headline: Fort Worth Baseball Club Wins in Mexico City, 10-8. Impact: The Fort Worth Baseball Club's win in Mexico City sparked an unexpected rivalry that led to an annual 'Baseball in Foreign Lands' festival, where teams played on the roofs of skyscrapers.. Fact: Who knew baseball could go international? Next stop: intergalactic baseball leagues—watch out for flying home runs!.
• Headline: Pennsylvanians to Honor Pulaski.. Impact: The celebration of Pulaski's anniversary inspired a bizarre trend of commemorating obscure historical figures, leading to the annual 'Weird History Month' where everyone dressed as their favorite forgotten hero.. Fact: Pulaski was a hero, but I’m still waiting for someone to honor my favorite unsung hero: the inventor of the snooze button..
• Headline: Horse Gains Against Tractors; Demand for Mules Increases. Impact: The increased demand for mules over tractors led to a minor agricultural revolution, where farmers began to sport 'Team Mule' bumper stickers and hold annual mule parades, confusing everyone.. Fact: If only mules could read all the 'Mule Power' bumper stickers, they might finally realize their true potential as the unsung heroes of farming!.