MARCH 31, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: World Bridge Olympic Hands Leak Out. Impact: The leaked hands caused a frenzy, leading to the first-ever Olympic-style doping scandal in bridge, where players were found using 'psychic enhancers' to predict opponents' moves.. Fact: Apparently, 50,000 people care about bridge. Who knew the world was so thrillingly dull?.
• Headline: Engagement of Sherley and Young. Impact: This engagement sparked a chain reaction that led to the invention of the modern wedding registry, which has since caused countless arguments over toaster brands.. Fact: Engagement announcements: the ancient precursor to social media bragging..
• Headline: R.E. McConnell With White, Weld.. Impact: McConnell's new partnership led to the rise of financial consulting, which eventually morphed into today's hedge fund managers, known for their ability to turn money into more money while ignoring ethical concerns.. Fact: You know you're successful when your partner's company has a name that sounds like a law firm but is actually just a money-making machine..
• Headline: Reply Now Expected Today.; HINT OF EMPIRE BAN GIVES IRISH PAUSE. Impact: The hint of a ban caused a series of political missteps that eventually resulted in an Irish dance-off to settle disputes, forever intertwining politics with questionable choreography.. Fact: Nothing says 'political debate' like a dance-off. Keep those Irish tap shoes polished!.
• Headline: BERMUDA HAILS GLEE CLUB.; Brlliant Supper Dance Follows Concert of Princeton Singers.. Impact: The Glee Club's visit inspired Bermuda to establish its own annual festival of mediocre singing, which now attracts thousands who think they're here for the music but are really here for the rum.. Fact: The only thing better than a glee club concert is a glee club concert followed by a supper dance. Talk about a double whammy!.
• Headline: STOOL PIGEON ADMITS FLEEING COURT INQUIRY; Taubman, 'The Dove,' Pleads Guilty to Disobeying Subpoena Issued by Seabury.. Impact: Taubman's admission set a precedent that made fleeing court inquiries a trendy thing to do, leading to a reality show called 'Runaway Subpoenas' that still airs today.. Fact: Fleeing a subpoena: the new Olympic sport that no one wants to compete in..
• Headline: BASTRESS CHARGES GO TO JURY TODAY; Prominent Architects and a Judge Testify to Character of Former Official. HIS OWN STORY STRESSED Defense Lawyer Insists $1,500 Was a Gift From Cahalan, Also a Defendant in Bribe Case.. Impact: The jury's deliberation on Basteress's charges led to the establishment of a 'Bribery Hall of Fame,' where the most creative bribers are eternally honored for their questionable ingenuity.. Fact: In the world of politics, 'gift' is just a fancy word for 'bribe.'.
• Headline: Hall Heads Yale Religious Body.. Impact: Hall's presidency led to the creation of campus-wide debates that spiraled into existential crises over the meaning of faith—an ongoing saga that continues to perplex students today.. Fact: Yale's religious body: where deep philosophical discussions often end in arguments about the best pizza toppings..
• Headline: JERSEY PAPER CELEBRATES; Newark Star-Eagle Publishes Its 100th Anniversary Edition.. Impact: The Newark Star-Eagle's centennial celebration sparked a trend of newspapers trying to stay relevant by celebrating milestones, eventually leading to the first-ever 'National Newspaper Day'—a day where no one reads newspapers.. Fact: 100 years of journalism, and the biggest headline is still 'We printed this on paper!'.