DECEMBER 19, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impending Japanese Attack in Chinchow. Impact: This attack set off a series of diplomatic blunders that led to a game of international chess nobody wanted to play. In an alternate timeline, the chess pieces were replaced by sushi rolls, leading to an unexpected sushi diplomacy era.. Fact: Did you know that the Chinchow area is now famous for its peaceful parks? If only they had a time machine to send back some peace talks..
• Headline: Legs Diamond Murdered in Albany. Impact: The murder of Legs Diamond resulted in a power vacuum that led to an era of organized crime, giving rise to the infamous phrase 'go to sleep and you might be killed' in gangster circles.. Fact: Legs was so notorious that even his sleep was considered a crime scene. He really took 'resting in peace' to a whole new level..
• Headline: BRAZIL AND URUGUAY REACH TARIFF ACCORD; Bilateral Agreement Is First Reached at Montevideo Conference--Must Be Ratified.. Impact: This agreement was like two neighbors agreeing to share their Wi-Fi, which resulted in a decade of great barbecue recipes being exchanged—until one neighbor decided to password-protect their network.. Fact: Fun fact: this tariff accord has nothing to do with actual tariffs. They were just really excited about the idea of sharing snacks..
• Headline: Soya Beans and Cabinets Point a Moral for Rogers. Impact: This peculiar pairing led to a bizarre trend where politicians began using soya beans as metaphors in speeches, resulting in the world's first agricultural political party: the Bean Republicans.. Fact: Did you know that this event sparked the infamous 'Great Soya Bean Debates' where politicians fought over which bean was more beneficial for the environment?.
• Headline: HIGHER BUILDINGS OPPOSED; Hearing on 42d St. Zoning Change Put Over After Objectors Are Heard.. Impact: This zoning change protest sparked a global movement against tall buildings, leading to the eventual construction of the world's first underground cities—because who needs sunlight anyway?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'the higher the building, the harder they fall' became a popular slogan for disgruntled architects?.
• Headline: LEAGUE TO AID VOICELESS.; Court Approves Incorporation to Further Their Interests.. Impact: This organization became the first of its kind, leading to a future where even the voiceless had social media accounts and could tweet about their plight—#VoicelessButNotSilent.. Fact: Fun fact: this league gave rise to a new genre of silent films about the struggles of the voiceless. Spoiler: they were actually quite loud..
• Headline: JAPAN WARNED ANEW BY OUR AMBASSADOR; Forbes Acts on Stimson Order to Protest Against Further Invasion of Manchuria. CHINCHOW DRIVE LIKELY Tokyo Lifts Ban on Crossing Liao River to Permit Attacks on Bandits. Treaty Covers Chinchow Issue. Japanese Conquest Expected. JAPAN IS WARNED BY OUR AMBASSADOR. Impact: This warning was the diplomatic equivalent of yelling 'Don't do that!' at a toddler holding a sharp object. Spoiler alert: the toddler didn’t listen, leading to years of conflict.. Fact: Did you know that the ban on crossing the Liao River was lifted after it was discovered that the river had no idea it was being used as a geopolitical boundary?.
• Headline: MORE OF OUR EXPORTS HIT BY BRITISH TARIFF; $18,000,000 of 1930 Total Is Now Subject to 50 Per Cent Ad Valorem Duties.. Impact: This tariff was like an uninvited guest at a party who eats all the snacks and leaves everyone bankrupt. It led to a global trade war that had everyone scrambling for their wallets.. Fact: Did you know that after this tariff was imposed, many exporters started wearing 'I got tariffed' t-shirts as a badge of honor?.