JUNE 6, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: $6 Million Parkway Approved in Queens. Impact: The approval of this parkway sparked a chain reaction of urban development, leading to an influx of hipster coffee shops and artisanal bakeries that caused a global shortage of kale. Thank you, Queens.. Fact: Did you know that for $6 million, you could buy a small island in some countries? But hey, who needs a tropical paradise when you can have a parkway?.
• Headline: Clerical Promotions in Ogdensburg Diocese. Impact: The promotions in the Ogdensburg diocese set off a wave of ecclesiastical reshuffling, inadvertently causing a shortage of clergy at youth camps, leading to a generation that could actually play outside.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complex than church hierarchy is trying to figure out who’s in charge of the church potluck..
• Headline: Parachute Rescue: A Daring Escape. Impact: This miraculous save led to the invention of the 'parachute safety knife', which eventually became the go-to survival tool for thrill-seekers and overly cautious boy scouts.. Fact: Did you know that parachuting was originally a way for people to escape from bad dates? Well, in a way, it still is..
• Headline: JORGA WINS IN ELECTIONS.; Rumanian Government Successful in Voting for Senators.. Impact: Jorga's election win resulted in a series of political maneuvers that ultimately led to a national obsession with voting—so much so that people began voting on whether to vote.. Fact: Did you know that Rumania's election process is so efficient, even their ballots have a better social life than most people?.
• Headline: $2,000,000 JOB AID IS VOTED BY BOARD; Mayor Proposes Action, Which Aldermen Are Expected to Ratify on Tuesday. NEW CITY POST IS CREATED Deputy Planning Commissioner to Be Provided Sullivan--Gomperts Firm Gets Contract.. Impact: The creation of a new city post led to a flurry of bureaucratic red tape, which eventually inspired a new genre of urban fantasy novels where planners are the real heroes.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than city planning is trying to find a parking spot in the Bronx?.
• Headline: 29 TO GET DIPLOMAS AT PANZER COLLEGE; Prizes amd Degrees in Physical Education Will Be Awarded Today in East Orange.. Impact: The graduation of these 29 students led to a renaissance in physical education, ultimately resulting in the invention of treadmill desks and the fitness influencer phenomenon.. Fact: Did you know that diplomas are just fancy pieces of paper that say you survived four years of group projects?.
• Headline: TRACK MEET LEAD TO SO. CALIFORNIA; Trojans Gain Twelve Places in Qualifying Tests in College Games at Chicago. TOPPING TIES WORLD MARK Equals Tolan's Accepted Figure of 0:09.5 in Century--Wykoff Is Among the Qualifiers. Wykoff an Easy Winner. Williams Home in Front.. Impact: Southern California's success in track meets ignited a fierce competition among colleges, leading to the creation of bizarre new sports like competitive napping and extreme laundry folding.. Fact: Did you know that the world record for a hundred meters is still faster than most people running to catch the bus?.
• Headline: $1,000,000 a Year to See City From Tower Being Paid by Visitors to the Empire State.