MAY 15, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: City College Seniors on Dry Act Repeal. Impact: The dry act repeal favored by city college seniors eventually led to a surge in speakeasy culture, resulting in the greatest number of creative cocktail names in history. Who knew that the 'Bee's Knees' was just a desperate attempt to hide gin in a teacup?. Fact: Did you know that most socialists prefer their beverages non-alcoholic? It’s hard to toast to the revolution when the only thing in your glass is seltzer water..
• Headline: Court Challenges Miners' Working Hours. Impact: The British court's actions against coal miners' hours led to a massive labor movement, resulting in the world's first union that demanded coffee breaks and nap time. Workers of the world, unite and sleep!. Fact: Fun fact: The 'spreadover' system was not a new dance move but rather a brutal work schedule, proving once again that coal mining and fun do not mix..
• Headline: Nebraska Journal Buys New Site. Impact: The Nebraska Journal's new site purchase eventually led to the rise of the internet, where all papers would gain the ability to spread gossip faster than a high school rumor mill.. Fact: Did you know that moving to a new site is the journalistic equivalent of a mid-life crisis? They probably bought a sports car too..
• Headline: Romance of the Cinder Track.. Impact: The romance of the cinder track inspired countless Olympic athletes, leading to a surge in track and field events and the inevitable creation of the world's most awkward dating app: 'Track & Match'.. Fact: Did you know that cinder tracks were just an excuse for athletes to wear ridiculously tight shorts and show off their leg muscles? Who knew running could be so fashionable?.
• Headline: BRIAND PROPOSES SYSTEM TO UNITE EUROPE IN TRADE; COUNTERS GERMANIC PLAN; THREE-FOLD SCOPE URGED Economic, Financial and Agrarian Action Asked in Note to Nations. BASED ON THE CARTEL PLAN Proposal Seeks Cooperation of French Capital to Assist Weaker States. EVEN RUSSIA IS ELIGIBLE Warning Given That Nothing Must Be Done to Irritate "Overseas" Countries. Based on Present Cartels. Asks Preferential Wheat Tariffs. Restriction Contemplated. Shuns Political Dangers.. Impact: Briand's proposal to unite Europe in trade sparked countless diplomatic meetings over the next century, breeding the phrase 'We need to talk' into the political lexicon, which has never been a good sign.. Fact: Did you know that everyone loves a good cartel plan? It's like a potluck dinner where only the most powerful nations are invited, and everyone fights over the last piece of pie..
• Headline: OFFERS PLAN TO END SICKNESS IN FLIGHTS; Louis Breguet Suggests Foils on Wings to Aeronautic Engineers at Baltimore. BLIND FLYING TESTS ASKED Rosendahl Tells of Devices to Control the Akron--Burgess Says Ship Will Be Strong. Blind Flying Tests for Pilots. How the Akron Will Be Handled.. Impact: Breguet's innovations in airship technology led to the eventual development of flying taxis, which now serve as a way for late workers to avoid public transport while simultaneously scaring pigeons.. Fact: Did you know that blind flying tests are just another way of saying, 'We really hope this works out'? No pressure, pilots!.
• Headline: Yonkers to Fight Trolley Ruling.. Impact: Yonkers fighting the trolley ruling led to the establishment of the 'No Trolley Zone,' which has since become a popular hangout for hipsters who prefer their transportation to be vintage and inconvenient.. Fact: Did you know that fighting trolley rulings is the 1920s equivalent of arguing about parking spots? Some things never change!.
• Headline: OPPOSE BAN ON RED PUPILS; Minute Men Say Kernan's Plan Would Have "Unhappy Effect.". Impact: The Minute Men opposing the ban on red pupils eventually led to a nationwide debate on educational inclusivity, culminating in classrooms filled with students who were all somewhat red in the face from arguing.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Red pupils' are not to be confused with the actual color of students' eyes; they were just a way to describe those who were particularly passionate about their right to education!.