MARCH 11, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Texas Eases Liquor Conviction Laws. Impact: This bill to ease liquor convictions led to a 1970s explosion in disco culture. Just imagine a world where more people could legally drink while donning bell bottoms, which ultimately resulted in questionable fashion choices that haunt us to this day.. Fact: In Texas, it’s actually illegal to sell your eyeballs. So at least they’re prioritizing liquor over… whatever that was..
• Headline: French Significant Loan to Romania. Impact: This loan agreement paved the way for a bizarre future where Romanians develop an obsession with French cheese, leading to a national cheese shortage crisis in 2025. Who knew a financial deal could affect dairy consumption?. Fact: The French have a cheese for every occasion—unlike us, who merely have cheese for snacking and regret..
• Headline: U.S. Lines Sees Mixed Results in 1931. Impact: The failure of the Cherbourg-Southampton route led to an eventual rise in budget airlines. So, if you’ve ever felt like you were flying on a glorified bus, now you know who to thank.. Fact: The Titanic was also supposed to do the Cherbourg-Southampton route. Thankfully, they decided to sail in a different direction..
• Headline: NEW FRENCH ENVOY TO CANADA ARRIVES; Charles A. Henry of Family of Diplomats Comes on the Paris En Route to Ottawa. FRIEND OF DEAF ALSO HERE Morche to Study Our Methods of Protecting Hearing--Crosby, Internationalist, Returns. Friend of War Deaf Here. Comes to Discuss Cheese Tariff.. Impact: The arrival of the new French envoy to Canada sparked a diplomatic cheese rivalry that continues to this day, resulting in more cheese and more diplomatic faux pas than you can shake a baguette at.. Fact: Canada has more lakes than the entire world combined has cheese varieties. Think about that next time you’re swimming in cheddar..
• Headline: OSSINING REPUBLICANS WIN; Democrats Lose Control of Town Board in Annual Election.. Impact: The Republican win in Ossining led to a decade-long feud over lawn signs and who could cut the best ribbon at local events. Politics really is just high school with more napkins.. Fact: Most town board meetings are just a cover for the real competition: who can make the best potato salad at the next potluck..
• Headline: Eye Tests for New Motorists To Be Urged in Every State. Impact: Urging eye tests for new motorists eventually led to a national obsession with glasses, creating an entire aesthetic movement that glorified hipster spectacles. Thanks for the trend, 1930s!. Fact: Only 20% of people can actually see the 'E' on the eye chart. The rest just guess and hope for the best—much like how we vote..
• Headline: MRS. RINEHART'S STORY OF HER LIFE OUT TODAY; Autobiography Reveals Her Start as Writer and Sale of 45 Stories in First Year for $1,842.. Impact: Mrs. Rinehart's autobiography inspired a wave of mediocre memoirs and self-help books, leading to a future where everyone thinks their life story is worth reading. Spoiler alert: it’s usually not.. Fact: There are more memoirs published each year than there are people who actually want to read them. Talk about a crowded library!.
• Headline: ADVOCATE RAISING SCHOOL-LEAVING AGE; Speakers of Albany Hearing Land Bill Setting Limit of 15 Years Instead of 14. Governor Loses Venue Plea in Suit.. Impact: The push to raise the school-leaving age inadvertently led to a generation of students who learned just enough to be mildly annoying at parties. Education really does have its consequences.. Fact: Most kids just pretend to be reading the textbook while actually daydreaming about being TikTok stars. Ah, progress!.
• Headline: Cuba to Pay $660,000 Interest.. Impact: Cuba's interest payment on loans led to an unexpected surge in interest rates, which caused a series of unfortunate events that resulted in a global fascination with vintage cars. Who knew a late payment could create a classic car culture?. Fact: Cuba’s vintage car collection is one of the few things that doesn’t depreciate in value; unlike my attempts at investing..