MARCH 1, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: San Antonio's Bi-Centennial Celebration. Impact: The Bi-Centennial Fete in San Antonio not only celebrated 200 years of history but also sparked a nationwide trend of throwing extravagant parties for every milestone imaginable. Soon, people were celebrating their pet goldfish's 5th birthday with fireworks and live bands.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than the ego of the guests at the Bi-Centennial Fete was the budget for the event? History really knows how to throw a party!.
• Headline: Innovative Teaching: College Yell System. Impact: The use of college yell systems to teach French by radio inadvertently led to a surge in non-French speakers yelling 'Ooh la la!' at completely inappropriate moments, confusing tourists for decades to come.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Ooh la la!' is now the official language of confusion in tourist hotspots, thanks to these innovative teaching methods!.
• Headline: Objections to Foreign Trade Department Formation. Impact: The objections to enlarging the President's cabinet created a ripple effect leading to the bizarre formation of 'shadow cabinets' composed of disgruntled political aides who met in basements to discuss how to fix everything without actually doing anything.. Fact: Did you know that Congress objects to things the way cats object to taking a bath? It’s a universal truth in politics..
• Headline: RADIO TRADE COMMENT; Why Vacuum Tubes Wear Out--New Screen-Grid Tube Is Introduced--Loud-Speakers for Schools. Impact: The introduction of new screen-grid tubes revolutionized radio technology, causing a chain reaction that led to the invention of the internet 50 years later, which would ultimately be used to stream cat videos instead of quality radio programming.. Fact: Did you know that vacuum tubes are like the grandfathers of modern tech? They were bulky, often outdated, and always complaining about the 'good old days!'.
• Headline: PASSION PLAY IN THIS CITY.; To Be Given Today by Members of Church of Our Lady of Pompell.. Impact: The Passion Play performed by the Church of Our Lady of Pompeii saw an unexpected rise in community engagement, leading to an annual tradition where everyone felt compelled to put on dramatic performances about anything, including the history of socks.. Fact: The only thing more dramatic than a Passion Play is the debate over whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Spoiler: it doesn't..
• Headline: CANADA STEEL'S DIVIDEND.; Directors Drop Effort to Increase Rate on Preferred Stock.. Impact: The decision to drop the effort to increase dividends on preferred stock at Canada Steel led to a mass exodus of investors, who were then forced to invest in even more dubious ventures, like cryptocurrency for pets.. Fact: Fun fact: Preferred stockholders are like those people at a buffet who still complain about the lack of options, despite being served first!.
• Headline: STRIP STEEL PRICES RAISED; Increases of $1 to $2 a Ton Are Announced in Chicago.. Impact: The increase in strip steel prices caused an economic chain reaction where suddenly everyone was collecting scrap metal, setting off a bizarre trend where people started hoarding tin cans and old bicycle frames as 'investments.'. Fact: Did you know that steel prices are like the temperature of a hot summer day? They both make you sweat and question your life choices!.
• Headline: SAYS FEDERAL PLAN COULD END SLUMPS; Labor Bureau Executive Asks Organization of Industry on Wartime Principle. FAVORS RESTRICTED OUTPUT Holds Both Labor and Capital Would Benefit--See Shorter Working Week a Growing Necessity. Present Plans Lack Scope. Would Amend Trust Laws.. Impact: The Labor Bureau Executive's call for wartime principles in industry eventually led to a nationwide trend of 'working smarter, not harder,' which still hasn’t been adopted by most workplaces, thanks to the invention of the coffee break.. Fact: Shorter working weeks are like unicorns: everyone talks about them, but no one truly believes they exist..