DECEMBER 30, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Navy Awards for Fall Sports 1930. Impact: In a twist of fate, the increased visibility of Navy sports led to an inexplicable rise in naval-themed fan gear, resulting in a global shortage of blue fabric. Sailors everywhere were forced to wear pink, leading to a fashion revolution that is still questioned today.. Fact: Did you know that the Navy originally awarded medals for cooking, but switched to sports to avoid a nationwide shortage of gravy?.
• Headline: New Polyclinic Addition Opens in 1930. Impact: The opening of these floors sparked a bizarre trend where hospitals began competing over who could have the most floors. Eventually, this led to hospitals being built in the clouds, where patients learned to float instead of walk.. Fact: You know, they say laughter is the best medicine, but I guess they didn't consider it when adding three more floors for patients to trip over..
• Headline: Paderewski's Magical Concert for Children. Impact: Paderewski's performance inspired a generation of children who later became world leaders, each claiming to have been moved to pursue politics because of that one concert. Ironically, none of them could play an instrument.. Fact: Did you know that Paderewski was so talented that even the piano was jealous? It refused to play anything but his compositions after that concert..
• Headline: Surrogate Slater Again Sworn.. Impact: Slater's continuous re-election set a precedent that led to the invention of the 'perpetual surrogate,' a role occupied by a hologram of Slater that now runs the office while playing chess.. Fact: Fun fact: Slater was so well-liked that even his hologram wins elections by a landslide... though it has yet to solve any real issues..
• Headline: GERTRUDE WIEDER HEARD.; Contraito, Native New Yorker, Gives Artistic Recital.. Impact: Wieder’s recital inspired a secret society of street musicians who believed they could play better than any concert pianist. They were wrong, but their gathering of noise eventually led to the creation of jazz.. Fact: Did you know that Gertrude’s concerts were so good, even the chairs in the audience would clap? Too bad they couldn’t buy tickets..
• Headline: LUQUE, TWO OTHERS SIGN WITH ROBINS; Boone, Outfielder, and Pitcher Thurston Come Into Fold for Next Campaign.. Impact: The signing of these players inadvertently triggered a nationwide obsession with bird-themed team names, ultimately resulting in the formation of the 'Pelican League'—which only played in swamps.. Fact: They say Luque had such an arm that he could throw a baseball into next week. Unfortunately, his accuracy was so bad, it often landed in next month..
• Headline: FOIL $2,000 THEATRE THEFT; Jersey City Police Surround Building--Shots Fired and 3 Are Held.. Impact: This theft attempt led to an absurd increase in security measures at theaters, resulting in elaborate heist movies that became so popular, they inspired real-life thieves to start their own production companies.. Fact: The irony? The only thing more dramatic than the heist was the police's over-the-top response. The theater was filled with more officers than audience members..
• Headline: PATROLMAN SHOOTS ROBBER IN SUBWAY; Bullet Disarms Youth Who Is Captured in Darkness After Brooklyn Hold-Up.. Impact: This incident sparked a trend of criminals using more creative methods for theft, which eventually led to the invention of the 'invisible heist,' where thieves would simply become one with the shadows.. Fact: Interestingly, the robber had a bright idea to rob a subway but forgot that it was rush hour. Talk about a train wreck!.