SEPTEMBER 26, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Economics Focus at Empire Parley 1930. Impact: As economic agendas remained stagnant, a butterfly flapped its wings in New Zealand, leading to a nationwide obsession with pineapple pizza that still haunts us today.. Fact: The only thing more outdated than this conference agenda is the idea that tariffs ever solved anything. Spoiler: they didn't..
• Headline: Austrian Political Crisis of 1930. Impact: Schober's resignation inadvertently set off a series of government reshuffles, ultimately leading to the invention of speed dating in Europe—because if the government can’t get it together, why should we?. Fact: In Austria, resignations are just like a game of musical chairs, except the music is always ominous and someone ends up with a dictatorship..
• Headline: GOLDENROD BAN ENDS; EDISON AGAINST IT; Chamber to War on Ragweed Only After It Is Told Other Does Not Give Hay Fever.. Impact: Edison’s stance against the ban caused a sudden rise in ragweed popularity, leading to an underground club dedicated to sneezing competitions.. Fact: If only Edison had focused on inventing a hay fever cure instead of arguing with plants, we might all be breathing easier today..
• Headline: Tablet Commemorates First Cable.. Impact: This commemorative tablet inspired a 19th-century craze for 'Cable Day' celebrations, which eventually led to the creation of modern-day social media.. Fact: Back in the day, a 'cable' was a literal thing you had to lay down, not the metaphorical mess we deal with on our phones today..
• Headline: JONES WINS, GAINS GOLF SEMI-FINALS; SCENE AT NATIONAL AMATEUR TOURNAMENT, AND GOLFERS WHO FIGURED PROMINENTLY YESTERDAY.. Impact: Jones’ victory sparked a golf boom that led to an insufferable increase in dad jokes about 'putting' and 'driving.'. Fact: Golf: the only sport where you can drive a ball and still not get anywhere in life..
• Headline: HOOVER INVITIES H.J. ALLEN; Senator Will Stay at White House During Convalescence.. Impact: Hoover’s hospitality created a ripple effect that inspired politicians to take more vacations—because nothing says leadership like lounging around in a mansion.. Fact: Inviting a senator to the White House is basically the 1920s version of sending a 'Join my Zoom call' email..
• Headline: TELLS OF 48 EXECUTIONS.; Moscow Preas Responds to Popular Clamor Over Food Damagers.. Impact: This news caused a wave of fear, leading to an increase in underground bakeries and the rise of the black market for bread.. Fact: In a world where food shortages existed, it’s ironic that actual food execution was the answer. Talk about taking 'kitchen nightmares' to a whole new level..
• Headline: BIBLE AND CAESAR CITED IN WAGE CASE; Union Counsel Promises to Prove With Their Aid Just What a Carpenter Really Is.. Impact: This bizarre citation led to a resurgence in carpentry as a profession, ultimately resulting in a national obsession with DIY projects—thanks, internet!. Fact: If only carpenters had a dollar for every time someone quoted the Bible in a wage dispute—they’d probably still be underpaid..
• Headline: MARTIN CONCERNS BEFORE GRAND JURY; Federal Prosecutor Starts John Doe Inquiry to Sift Possible Mail Frauds. CALLS FOR COMPANY BOOKS County Judge Questioned in Secret by State Attorneys--Publicity Briefs Filed Today.. Impact: This inquiry spawned a wave of conspiracy theories about mail fraud that led to the eventual creation of 'true crime' podcasts—because nothing says entertainment like financial crimes!. Fact: John Doe inquiries are like the adult version of 'Where's Waldo?'—everyone's looking but no one knows what they're really looking for..